


One Borg

by GrayRainbow173



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cliffhangers, Continued Upon Request, Dark, Depression, Gen, Meant as a One Shot, My First AO3 Post, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22863106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayRainbow173/pseuds/GrayRainbow173
Summary: Seven of Nine contemplates her existence and struggles with her identity.Takes place somewhere in season 4 but after 4x12 "Mortail Coil".
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway & Seven of Nine
Comments: 33
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eri2401](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eri2401/gifts).



> This is the first story I'm posting and English is not my native language. So please let me know what you think.

Tired. She felt tired. The kind of tired that usually led to her feeling emotions she did not want to feel. She was Borg, she had to be Borg. That meant being stronger, smarter and colder than the others of the Voyager crew. Emotions were irrelevant.

The food in front of her had lost all of its appeal, little as it was to begin with. The sitting made her uncomfortable and she was alone. One. Looking around she saw others sitting together, talking and laughing. A strong urge to get up and join them was quickly pushed down. She did not need their company, human contact. She was Borg… she did need a collective but no matter how she tried she could not fit in in this human collective. This family. Her carefully planned attempts at joining their conversations had all led to disasters. Some tried to go along with her but she could always sense their real reactions. Discomfort and even fear. She would not try again.

Sitting in the mess hall trying to eat had become pointless as well. She quickly got up, sensing the eyes of the others on her. As calmly as possible she walked to Neelix’s counter and dropped her tray there. Then, careful not to look anyone in the eye, she left the room.

In the corridor she hesitated. Left or right. To her left was her lab, an organized work environment where she could be useful, performing tasks that would help Voyager get home. But she would be alone there too. She could go to the holodeck. Maybe the Captain was there, working in the work shop of Maestro Da Vinci. She could listen to the Captain’s voice. That would calm her. Even if the Captain was scolding her or trying once again to explain another aspect of humanity to her, just the sound of her voice grounded Seven. A strong wave of emotions rocked her just thinking about it. Followed immediately by disgust. She was Borg. She did not need the Captain to ground her. She did not need to learn about humanity. It was pointless… she would fail.

Quickly she decided to go to the right, heading to Cargo Bay 2. It was all too hard. Becoming human, becoming part of the crew, trying to win the respect of the Captain or maybe even her friendship. She would fail. She was Borg not human.

She increased her speed, walking faster than a human would. Some crew members looked at her, most in alarm. What scared them most? Her speed, her implants or maybe the cold and dead expression on her face.

Entering the Cargo Bay was a relief. No one would come in here, most avoided this place at all cost. It was Borg, like her, and that scared them. Should she regenerate? It would not help, she was tired in a different way. Her body was strong and full of nervous energy. Regeneration would be pointless. She started pacing. Never had she felt so useless! So incomplete. She was not Borg. She was an individual. A puny little useless individual. And she was alone. The Captain and the others could pretend that they wanted her to be part of their crew, their family, but she knew it was all lies. They wanted her here for her knowledge. No, not her knowledge. The knowledge of the Collective. The Collective that she was no longer a part of. She was human and she was alone. They were using her so that they could get home.

Home. The Alpha Quadrant was not her home, not anymore. She had no reason to get back there. Why was she allowing them to use her in this way? Why was she trying to please them? Their needs were irrelevant, the Captain’s opinion was irrelevant. Her own life had become irrelevant. She could not function this way. She should not function this way. This drone was malfunctioning and had to be terminated.

A cold clarity took over as she walked to her alcove. Some minor adjustments to the system and it would overload. The shock, if calculated correctly, would be enough to overload the implants she had left. Her body could not function without them and the Captain’s experiment to assimilate her would have failed. The emotions would stop.

Quickly she opened the panel to the right of her alcove and began to make the adjustments.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read this before you read this new chapter!
> 
> I never intended for this story to evolve past the first chapter. If you like the short story as it is, with the slightly ambiguous open ending, don't read this new chapter. But for those of you who want more, here it is. 
> 
> Eri2401 this is for you, thank you for pushing me to continue this story.

“What was that?” Kathryn asked no one in particular as the Bridge experienced a short power shortage. The lights had flickered and the hum of the ship had changed for only a moment. Usually nothing to be concerned about but still the Captain wanted to know for sure, especially as they were currently flying at warp speed. 

Turning around in her chair she saw that Ensign Kim was quickly surveying their systems. “There was a power surge in Cargo Bay 2.” He said frowning at his screens. “A rather strong one.”

He looked puzzled and did not give her any more information. Cargo Bay 2… that could only mean… Seven of Nine. 

“Engineering to the Bridge.” Lieutenant Torres’s voice broke through right on cue. 

Kathryn briefly closed her eyes, anticipating another fight between B’Elanna and Seven.“Yes, Lieutenant.”

“We experienced a power shortage just now. Is something going on?” The Chief Engineer asked her. 

“It appears there was a power surge in Cargo Bay 2.” Kathryn told her. “We are looking into it. Hold on.”

She stood up from her chair, feeling as if she needed to be on her feet to hear whatever explanation Seven was going to throw at them. “The Captain to Seven of Nine.” She hailed the former Borg drone but received no response. 

She briefly exchanged a look with Commander Chakotay but could already see an exasperated look on his face beneath the confusion.

“B’Elanna, meet me outside the Cargo Bay to see what’s going on.” Kathryn told her, she knew she wanted to be there for whatever was going to go down. “Chakotay you have the Bridge. Maintain our present course and speed until we know more.”

She used the short ride in the turbolift to remember her conflict resolution lessons. She knew she would need them as she foresaw another fight over their limited power supply between her Chief Engineer and Astrometrics Officer.

Before she arrived at the Cargo Bay she met B’Elanna in the corridor. “What did she do this time?” The Lieutenant asked her without any preamble. 

“I don’t know yet. Seven did not respond to my hail.” Kathryn told her in her most patient voice even though she found Seven’s lack of obedience tedious from time to time too. 

Lieutenant Torres did not respond except for letting out a rather strong huff combined with a growl. As if she was preparing herself for a battle. 

Kathryn knew she should remain neutral but no matter what happened she always felt a strong protectiveness when it came to Seven. The young woman was just starting out rediscovering her human nature again. It was a hard process to go through and Kathryn believed she deserved their patience and support.

“Let me do the talking.” Kathryn quickly ordered B’Elanna when they reached the doors to the Cargo Bay, placing a hand on her shoulder as if restraining her from barging in.

B’Elanna nodded at her and took a small step back as if to let her know that she would follow her lead. A restraint, Kathryn knew, would not last long…

Taking a rather deep breath, Kathryn walked through the doors and then stopped when she was immediately hit by a burning smell as her eyes took in the tendrils of smoke that filled up the room. 

Quickly her eyes scanned the regeneration alcoves on the platform and saw that there were sparks flying off the right most one. The one Seven always used…

“What the hell?” B’Elanna muttered behind her and then walked past her to better survey the damage to the systems. But after only a few steps she stopped dead in her tracks.

Kathryn followed her gaze and only then did she notice the crumpled form of Seven of Nine lying in front of the platform. She looked as if she had been thrown out of her alcove. The back of her biosuit was heavily charred and she was completely motionless. 

“Seven!” Kathryn did not think about the smoke or the sparks and rushed in to the younger woman’s side. 

Her hands moved on their own accord, reaching beneath Seven’s hair to feel her neck but she already knew. There was no pulse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I won't leave this story with this new cliffhanger. As the chapters for this story are rather short, I will update again soon.


	3. Chapter 3

“Seven, no… No, Seven come on, wake up.” Kathryn whispered in a hoarse voice while a part of her mind knew that it was useless. She couldn’t think clearly though as a white hot panic blinded her. 

From the corner of her eye she saw B’Elanna rushing to the alcove and trying to shut down the system. “Captain! Sick Bay!”

“What… O, yes.” Kathryn tried to shake herself awake but she couldn’t function properly. Desperately she tried to remember her training. Not the conflict resolution lessons she had tried to remember before but what to do in medical emergencies. 

Finally she was able to speak the words she needed to say. “Computer, medical emergency. Two to beam directly to Sick Bay.”

As she said the words she looked up to see B’Elanna cutting the power to the alcove and the last sparks diminished just as she was whisked away to Sick Bay with Seven.

The clean air and the silence surrounding them was a little disorienting but thankfully the Doctor and Lieutenant Paris were there immediately.

“Captain? What happened?” The Doctor kneeled down next to them. Tricorder in hand, he started scanning Seven. 

“I don’t know…” Kathryn stood up on shaky legs to make room for Tom who picked Seven up and placed her gently on the nearest biobed. 

“We found her like this.” Kathryn continued to explain as the Doctor rushed to the hypospray station. “There was a power surge… something must have gone wrong with her alcove.”

The two men did not respond to her mumbled explanation but started working on Seven right away. Moving completely in sync they tried to get her heart started again. 

Dazed Kathryn looked around and found a stool next to the central console. She knew that if she didn’t sit down soon, she would probably faint.

She had been preparing herself for a fight between Lieutenant Torres and Seven. She had already pictured in her mind how Seven, eyes blazing, would pull off a passionate speech about some research she was performing for which she needed more power. She had not been prepared for this at all. What had happened? 

“Again?” Tom’s voice sounded unsure and the tone brought Kathryn back to the present as she watched the Doctor lower his arms. 

“No.” He told his nurse quietly. “It is no use.”

“You can’t give up.” Kathryn found some strength to stand up again and started walking toward the bed. “Surely there is something you can do…”

The Doctor walked past her without meeting her eyes and looked at a scan of Seven’s body on the screen. 

“All of her implants are completely fried. Her cortical node is not sending them any signals anymore.” He muttered just loud enough for them to hear. “I don’t think… I don’t think we can repair this.”

Kathryn looked back at Seven on the bed and she felt her heart throb as the realization that there was nothing they could do, slowly sank in. 

“I need to know what exactly happened.” The Doctor said in a much louder voice than before, frustration clearly written on his face. “You said her alcove malfunctioned?”

“I… it looked like it had. There were a lot of sparks flying off it and there was smoke everywhere…” Kathryn knew she did not sound very convincing and her own annoyance at herself sobered her up a little. She raised her hand to her combadge to ask for help. “The Captain to Lieutenant Torres.”

“Yes, Captain.” B’Elanna answered right away.

“Do you have more information on what happened to the alcove?” Kathryn asked her.

“We are looking into it right now. Tuvok has joined me in the Cargo Bay and we are planning a full investigation.” B’Elanna informed her.

“I don’t think this could just happen. Borg technology doesn’t just malfunction.” The Doctor chimed in.

“It looks like the alcove was rigged to overload when the last regeneration cycle was planned.” Tuvok’s voice sounded as calm as ever as he stated that fact. “It seems someone planned this.”

An awkward silence followed as they all contemplated the meaning of those words and Kathryn quickly looked away from the Doctor’s intense gaze. 

Looking back at the still form of Seven on the biobed, she felt tears start to well up in her eyes as the throb in her heart intensified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to update again tomorrow.   
> I am keeping the chapters short to fit the first chapter and it makes updating regularly easier.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter for you!

Kathryn walked back to the biobed. Somehow the short distance seemed quite long. Probably because her shaking legs did not want to cooperate. 

Reaching out to touch Seven’s hair, Kathryn’s mind tried to make sense of what she had just been told. The power surge might have been planned. By Seven? Had she done this on purpose? 

Somehow her mind could not comprehend that thought and the pain she felt intensified as her grief now mingled with a deep sense of guilt. What had Seven been thinking? Did she feel lonely or abandoned? Had she felt any pain? 

A sob wretched itself free from Kathryn and she tried desperately to control herself. She was still the Captain of this ship. But Tom had already sank down on one of the chairs and seemed very lost himself. The Doctor might not even have heard her sob as he was still feverishly staring at his screens. 

Kathryn’s hand moved from Seven’s hair to her ocular implant. She softly traced the lines of the metal where it met skin. Both cold now. 

A part of her still expected Seven to open her eyes any minute now. Seven could not be dead. Seven was too strong to die. Somehow that had always seemed like a certainty. She had withstood so much in her short life and her body was stronger than that of a normal human. Her implants gave her immense strength and her skin was able to withstand high levels of radiation. Then there were her nanoprobes… they had always seemed like little miracles to Kathryn. 

“What…” Kathryn had to stop to clear her throat before she could continue. The Doctor looked up at the sound of her voice. “What about her nanoprobes? Aren’t they fixing the damage?”

“No…” The Doctor’s shoulders sank a little further. “The probes normally receive their orders from her implants and her cortical node. There is no activity at all now… Without her cortical node to kickstart them, I don’t think…”

His voice trailed off and Kathryn wondered if he was still thinking about the probes or if the grief had gotten to him too. 

Then he suddenly moved towards his office, knocking over a tray as he ran across the room. Tom flew up from his chair and Kathryn’s heart leaped into her throat. “Doctor?”

He did not respond and when he did not appear after a few minutes, Kathryn exchanged a glance with Paris and then walked towards the office to see where the Doctor had gone. 

As she walked through the door she saw him standing at his desk with a vial of fluid in his hands. “Doctor? What are you doing?”

“Remember when Mr. Neelix died?” He asked her without looking up and Kathryn took a step back at his question.

“Of course. But why…” Kathryn started to ask another question but her mind was going too slow for the Doctor.

He started to explain as he moved the fluid from the vial in a dish and placed it beneath a machine. “When Neelix died, Seven brought him back. She revived him with her nanoprobes.”

“I thought you said her nanoprobes were… dead.” Kathryn almost choked on that last word. 

“Not all of them.” He said. “I never actually told Seven this but when we were working on Neelix… I took some of her reprogrammed nanoprobes and kept them here.”

He looked at her while the machine started whirring. Kathryn was surprised to see he looked rather guilty. “I did not mean to steal them. It was just such a powerful effect… bringing someone back from the dead! I wanted to study the reprogrammed probes more closely. To understand them.”

“What are you saying exactly?” Kathryn wiped her hand across her face. She was exhausted and not entirely sure if she was listening to an actual plan or a confession of theft. 

“I am saying that I am going to use the stolen nanoprobes on Seven.” The Doctor said as he put the fluid back in a syringe. “I am going to try and bring her back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, let me know what you think. This continued story is proof that your comments are a strong source of inspiration for me. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Kathryn wondered how many emotions she could endure before she would go into shock. The Doctor’s words and more importantly his optimism had caused waves of hope to crash over her breaking heart and she quickly looked back at Seven’s still form through the window of the office. 

_Oh please let it work._ She thought silently but her mind tried to tell her that it might not work. That she should prepare herself for another strong emotion, disappointment.

The Doctor finished his work on the nanoprobes and without saying another word walked past her and back into the Main Room. Feeling a little dizzy the Captain quickly shook herself and then followed him. 

“I’m going to try and bring her back with the nanoprobes we used to bring back Mr. Neelix.” The Doctor explained to Tom who was looking at them with confusion in his eyes. That confusion quickly turned into hope and Kathryn had to look away from his face before she was swept away by her own feelings of hope. 

The silence that followed as the Doctor administered the nanoprobes to Seven’s neck was deafening and Kathryn could actually hear her own heartbeat in her ears. 

Nothing happened but she was not sure if something was supposed to have happened already. The Doctor moved back to his screens after putting down the syringe. He started making more scans and after a few moments Mr. Paris joined him to see what was happening. They started discussing the effects of the probes but Kathryn could not join in. 

She felt tired and she quickly pulled up a chair to sit next to Seven’s bed. Grasping her hand, she almost backed away from the cold of Seven’s skin and the absence of a pulse. But then she strengthened her grip. Holding Seven’s hand in both of her own, she willed her own warmth to flow into Seven’s skin just as she imagined the probes flowing through her veins, healing her. 

Then suddenly the Doctor was back. “Captain we need you to stay back for a moment. We are going to try and restart her heart again.”

“Are the probes working?” She asked him as she scrambled to get out of the way.

“It is too soon to tell.” He answered but she did not like the tone of his voice. Small tendrils of disappointment were already weaving themselves towards her heart. 

Then Tom and the Doctor took position on each side of the biobed and delivered the first electrical pulse to Seven. Kathryn actually looked away. 

She silently berated herself. She should not look away. She was a Captain of _Starfleet_. She was _the_ Captain of this ship. She was _Seven’s_ Captain. But she was also her friend. In a weird way she had become very close to the young woman in a very short time. 

She closed her eyes and, even though she was not a religious person, started to pray. Not praying so much as just wishing, urging whatever power was in control of the universe to make it work. To bring back Seven to them. She had to come back. 

Covering her face with her hands, she could still hear what was going on in the room. She heard the Doctor urge Mr. Paris to increase the voltage and deliver the shock again… and then again. She lost count after a while and wondered how long the Doctor was going to keep this up. How long before he would give up again? 

Then the screens of the biobed started to beep and the sound made Kathryn drop her hands and open her eyes. The Doctor did not say anything just yet as he was reading the scans on his tricorder. Tom stood frozen in place, ready to continue if needed but hopeful that it was not necessary. 

The Doctor lowered his tricorder and offered his nurse a small smile. “We have a pulse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Blinking her eyes open, Seven immediately spotted the blurry shape of the Doctor. She frowned as she tried to bring his face into focus. Somehow it took a while and she could not remember what had happened. Was she in Sick Bay?

“Seven, can you hear me?” The Doctor softly asked her. 

“Yes. What… Why am I here?” She asked him as she tried to sit up but her head felt heavy and her whole body hurt so she quickly gave up. 

The Doctor placed a hand on her shoulder as if to restrain her. “You don’t remember what happened?”

“No…” Seven answered him as she tried really hard to remember anything.

“You were eating in the Mess Hall do you remember that?” He prompted her.

Seven wanted to answer him but she was distracted as the pain in her body became more pronounced. It seemed to radiate forth from her spinal implant. It felt like it was on fire and it became increasingly uncomfortable to lie down. 

“My back hurts.” She mumbled and the Doctor moved away, probably to retrieve a hypospray.

In the short time it took him to get back, Seven managed to raise her head to look around. She knew she was Sick Bay of course but she felt that there was someone watching her. 

She was right. The Captain was sitting close by and she looked horrible. 

“Captain?” Seven asked her not sure what to make of the situation. Did something happen to her? But then the press of the hypospray on her neck gave her some relief as the medication eased the pain in her back. With a sigh she put her head back on the pillow of the biobed. 

“I need you to try and remember, Seven.” The Doctor continued his questions. “Do you remember being in the Mess Hall?”

Now that the pain was gone, Seven could focus more easily. She remembered being in the Mess Hall. She had eaten food, alone… “Yes, I remember.” She answered him softly. 

“Do you remember going to the Cargo Bay to regenerate?” He asked her. 

“Yes.” Seven closed her eyes as if she wanted to shut him out. “I remember everything now.”

The silence that followed increased her discomfort. Did they know? How could they know? More importantly, why hadn’t it worked? She had done all of the calculations. It should have worked. She should be dead right now. 

“Can you tell me a bit more about what happened next?” The Doctor’s voice cut through the thoughts racing in her mind. “Can you tell me how you programmed your alcove for your regeneration cycle?” 

She opened her eyes again and locked onto the Doctor’s face, trying to read his emotional state. She had gotten better at it during her time on Voyager. She had studied the human body language extensively because apparently humans weren’t always direct. They did not just tell you what they were thinking but often ‘beat around the bush’ as they would say on Earth. Seven had a feeling that the Doctor was doing this now. He must already know the answers to his questions. 

She clenched her jaw and refused to answer him, indicating with her own eyes that the conversation was over. He sighed and looked away from her for a moment, probably looking at the Captain.

Seven heard her stand up. She could feel the Captain getting closer but she just stared at the combadge on the Doctor’s uniform. She could not face the Captain right now. 

“Seven.” The Captain’s voice. It had always had such a strong impact on her but now it was as if it coursed through her veins like an electrical shock. There were a lot of emotions in her voice and Seven did not want to face them. So she stubbornly refused to meet her gaze. 

“Seven, we are worried about you.” The Captain continued nonetheless. “The alcove… it did not malfunction on it’s own. I think you know that we know…”

Her voice trailed off uncertainly and Seven quickly closed her eyes. She wanted to disappear. She did not want them to look at her anymore. She did not want to hear the concern and… disappointment in the Captain’s voice. She had to deal with her own disappointment first. How could she still be alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any comment is appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going back to the POV of the Captain in this chapter, we take a small step back in time.

It had been nerve wrecking waiting for Seven to wake up. After the Doctor had restarted her heart it had been a while before her body had fully recovered. Her implants had taken a lot of damage but thankfully the nanoprobes seemed to be even better at healing them than at healing the damaged human tissue. 

Still Kathryn had been very worried, pacing the Sick Bay floor. What if Seven had suffered permanent damage? What if she did not wake up? How would she react when she did?

While she was waiting, Tuvok suddenly showed up. “Captain.” He greeted her and Kathryn knew him long enough to recognize the somber tone in his voice. “How is Seven?”

“The Doctor has been able to restart her heart. We are just waiting to see if her nanoprobes will be able to fix all of the damage.” Kathryn said while looking back at Seven. 

Tuvok followed her gaze but did not say anything. There wasn’t much to say in a situation like this. 

“What did you find out in the Cargo Bay, Tuvok?” Kathryn asked him as the Doctor joined them, eager to hear what the Security Chief had to say.

“It was as we suspected.” Tuvok began his explanation. “The alcove was programmed to deliver the power surge. The only person who put in programs over the last few months was Seven of Nine herself.”

Kathryn closed her eyes. She had known of course. They had all known from the moment Tuvok had told them that the power surge hadn’t been an accident. Perhaps a part of her had already known when she had found Seven on the floor of the Cargo Bay. 

Nevertheless the pain of knowing for sure was still very strong. 

“I… I don’t know what to say.” The Doctor stuttered. “I had no idea she was even… that she was considering this.”

“None of us knew, Doctor. Otherwise we would have stopped her.” Kathryn quickly assured him. 

“Of course, I just thought… I was the one teaching her, I thought I would notice if it all became too much for her.” The Doctor continued. “But I never even realized she was experiencing such deep emotions.”

“Perhaps Seven’s attempt at suicide does not stem from emotions, Doctor.” Tuvok interjected. “It could be that she just reached the conclusion that life was no longer desirable to her.”

“She might have been Borg for a long time but she has become a little too human for that I think, Tuvok.” Kathryn said while running her hands through her hair. 

“Whatever her motivations were, we have to keep a close eye on her when she wakes up.” The Doctor said and Kathryn immediately noticed that he had said ‘when’ not ‘if’. “I think it will be best if _you_ talk to her, Captain.”

“Me?” Kathryn asked him in surprise. Voyager did not have a counselor on board and the Doctor had often taken on those duties as well, helping his patients as much as he could.

“I want to help too, of course.” He quickly assured her. “But I think Seven trust you the most and she will need a friend to process this. Besides we all know how much she hates to be kept in Sick Bay.”

After that, Kathryn had spent her time trying to come up with things to say to Seven while she was waiting for her to wake up. 

When she finally did, Kathryn let the Doctor talk to her first. Seven had been confused and disoriented but Kathryn could clearly see when the reality of her situation sunk in. 

It was strangely comforting to see Seven’s signature stubbornness return but unfortunately it did mean that she would not talk to the Doctor about what had happened. 

So Kathryn tried to talk to her. “Seven, we are worried about you. The alcove… it did not malfunction on its own. I think you know that we know…”

Seven would not open her eyes to look at her. Kathryn waited for a while but then she saw tears leaking out from between Seven’s closed eyelids. 

The Captain looked up at the Doctor but he softly shook his head and then nodded at her to indicate that he wanted to talk to her alone.

“I don’t think we will be getting any answers from her this way.” He whispered to her as they stood a few steps away from the biobed.

“What do you propose?” Kathryn said, keeping her eyes on Seven.

“Perhaps you could take her somewhere else. Somewhere more private. The Holodeck perhaps?” The Doctor suggested.

Kathryn gave it some thought but then decided against the Holodeck. What kind of program would she even pull up to have this talk with Seven? She turned back to the Doctor. “I’ll take her back to my quarters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any feedback is welcome!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy November everyone!

Seven felt completely miserable. What she really wanted was to be left alone but apparently that was the one thing that the Doctor and the Captain were trying to prevent. She tried to ignore them as much as possible but they kept trying to talk to her while the Doctor treated her injuries.

He told her how he had used nanoprobes to bring her back. Apparently she really had died. That gave her some satisfaction. At least her calculations hadn’t been wrong, she just hadn’t anticipated the resourcefulness of the crew.

When the Doctor told her how he had used her nanoprobes, she finally opened her mouth again to speak.

“You _stole_ my nanoprobes?” She asked him and she tried to make her voice sound as angry as she could. 

The Doctor almost backed away from her but in the end he stood his ground. “I did… although maybe stealing is a bit of a strong word.”

She frowned at him, projecting all of her anger and disappointment at him. How could he not consider this theft? He had not only taken her nanoprobes without telling her, he had also stolen her decision to end her own life. In both circumstances, he seemed like a thief to her and her trust in him was damaged. Not that she needed to trust him or his friendship anyway…

“I wanted to study the effect of the probes, after you had saved Neelix’s life.” The Doctor continued to defend himself. “Besides, I do not regret it. My actions might not have been completely ethical but they did save your life.”

She huffed at that, shooting him one last annoyed look before closing her eyes again, trying to shut him out. He did not understand, none of them could. She had not wanted him to save her life.

The Captain stayed close during all of this and Seven wondered why. She could have asked a security team to guard her if she was worried that she would attack the Doctor. Didn’t the Captain have more important things to do?

But then it became clear to her and that the Doctor had made some sort of understanding with the Captain. Whenever she peeked at them, she saw them exchanging looks while the Captain kept pacing the floor. Maybe she was preparing herself for something? Maybe she was going to throw her in the Brig and she wanted to do the honors herself?

“There.” The Doctor said as he finally pulled away from her. “I have fixed as much of the damage as possible. Your nanoprobes will have to do the rest.”

Seven opened her eyes and almost threw another sneer in his direction. Did he really expect her to thank him? But then she realized what his words could mean. Was she free to leave?

She hopped off the biobed which caused shocks of pain to race up from her legs through her spine. She quickly suppressed her groan and then turned to the Captain. Expecting her to take her into custody.

Seven hadn’t resigned to that fate yet but for now she just wanted to escape their intense looks. Once she was alone in the Brig, she would be able to come up with a new plan. They could not guard her forever.

Keeping her emotions in check, she looked the Captain straight in the eyes, trying hard to ignore the emotions she saw there. Pity seemed to be the most dominant one which made her feel nauseous.

“Seven.” The Captain addressed her as if she was afraid Seven was going to make a run for it. Or was she afraid that she was going to attack her? She was strong enough to do so after all… Again Seven wondered why there were no security officers protecting the Captain.

“I would like for you to come with me to my quarters.” The Captain continued.

Seven looked at her in surprise. “Your quarters?”

“Yes… I would like for us to talk.” The Captain said while she walked towards her and then she placed one of her hands on her arm.

Seven blinked at her, the feeling of the Captain’s soft, warm hand on her arm made her feel all kinds of emotions she really did not want to feel. She had to be strong.

But the Captain interpreted her silence as agreement and after giving the Doctor a final nod, she used her authorization to transport them away. In the second it took her to do this, Seven wondered if she wouldn’t rather go to the Brig instead.


	9. Chapter 9

Seven did not move once they rematerialized in the Captain’s quarters. The few times she had been in here before, she had usually barged in with a question for the Captain. Now she had no idea what to say or do.

The Captain seemed to be uncomfortable as well, so on instinct she moved to her replicator and requested a cup of coffee, black. “Do you want anything?”

“No.” Seven said without thanking her for the offer. She was still on guard, studying the woman in front of her as closely as she could.

Janeway stared back at her for a moment. Then she sighed and walked over to her couch to sit down. She looked expectantly at Seven but the former Drone still did not move. 

“Please sit down, Seven.” The Captain asked her and Seven did not like her tone at all. 

It wasn’t an order, there was no authority in her voice. Instead it was filled with emotions that Seven wanted to stay as far away from as possible. 

Perhaps she should just speed this along. “Why am I here, Captain?”

“I told you.” Janeway reminded her. “I wanted us to talk.”

“About what?” Seven asked abruptly, gritting her teeth the moment the words had left her.

“You know about what.” The Captain said and for the first time that day, Seven heard the sharper tones of leadership in her voice again. “Sit down, please.”

Because of the change in tone and because she was still rather tired, Seven obeyed. Choosing a spot as far away from the Captain as possible. 

The Captain hesitated for a moment, clearly torn between moving in closer and giving Seven her space. Thankfully she decided on the last option. Then she took a deep breath and started talking. 

“Seven, I am not a counselor. I am just a captain.” She said while looking down at her own hands. “But I do feel like you and I… that we have grown closer over the past few months.”

Seven bristled at her words. This was not what she had expected to hear and she did not like it. The Captain’s attempts to assimilate her in their human crew was one of the main reasons why she had wanted to end her life after all. 

“I never… I never wanted you to be unhappy.” The Captain continued before Seven could stop her. “I never _knew_ you were this unhappy. I am sorry. I should have realized, I should have noticed. I thought… I thought it was getting easier for you to adjust to life on Voyager.”

She then looked up and Seven could not look away from the storm of emotions in her gray eyes. “It wasn’t.”

A look of hurt crossed the Captain’s face and Seven almost moved in closer, as if she wanted to comfort her. But she was still angry. Not so much at the Captain perhaps… but at herself mostly.

“It hasn’t become easier to adapt to life on Voyager. I don’t know what I am anymore. I don’t know what you want of me.” She choked out.

“Want of you?” The Captain frowned as if she hadn’t understood what Seven was trying to say.

“Why do you still keep me around?” Seven said as she stood up and started pacing the floor. “I have downloaded most of my knowledge… no, the knowledge of the Collective into your databases. Why did you bring me back?”

By the end she was almost shouting which startled her even more than Janeway, who only stared at her. 

“I am Borg but I am not Borg. I am human but I am not human.” Seven said while she grasped at her hair with one hand. Her Borg hand in her human hair. “I can’t live like this!”

She suddenly realized she was crying. Liquid was seeping from her eyes and that only made her more enraged. She stopped her pacing and angrily wiped at her eyes, trying to stop this rather human reaction. But then she felt warm arms surround her and she froze.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember the Captain isn't perfect, she is doing the best she can.  
> As a writer, I don't have all the answers eiter. ;) Sometimes all we can do is look for the answers inside of ourselves and the people we love.

Kathryn held on tight, even as Seven tensed up at first and then started to struggle against her hug. She knew that the young woman could break free easily. She could break both of Kathryn’s arms without breaking a sweat.

But she wasn’t afraid and she knew that this hug was all she had to offer as she doubted whether she could find the right words to say to Seven right now. 

Then Seven suddenly stopped struggling and Kathryn felt Seven’s forehead crash on her shoulder. She almost stumbled back a little when Seven’s weight fell on her completely but she remained standing while she softly stroked her hands up and down Seven’s back which was heaving with the sobs that were finally coming out. 

Before she would fall over, Kathryn moved them, very gently, back to the couch. Afraid that any sudden movements would spook Seven. But the former Drone did not respond at all and just clung to her as she followed her meekly. 

Kathryn tried to get into a somewhat comfortable position and then just held Seven in her arms, rocking back and forth a little. 

After several long minutes, Seven seemed to calm down but she did not move away from her. The sobs had turned into small hiccups and her forehead was still firmly pressed against Kathryn’s shoulder. Hiding her face.

The Captain knew she still had to say something. “Seven… I can’t promise you that it will ever get any easier.” She spoke softly while keeping up the rhythm of her hands. “I can’t even tell you that being human is easy. It isn’t. But I hope that one day you will see that it is all worth the effort.”

Seven sniffled and then raised her head. Those intense blue eyes looked even more like a turbulent sea now that they were wet with tears and Kathryn could not look away from them. 

“How? How do you know it is worth it?” Seven whispered and Kathryn was surprised at the vulnerability in her voice. It was so different than the voice she knew. 

“I guess… I guess you can only tell when you look back a little.” Kathryn did not really know how to explain what she meant but she tried anyway. “When you look at the people surrounding you or the work that you have accomplished. Sometimes just the beauty of the place you live in can be enough.”

She could see that these arguments weren’t enough to convince her young protégé. But she did seem to consider them at least and that was something. 

“The most important thing I can tell you right now is… that you don’t have to do it alone.” Kathryn said while stroking one hand across Seven’s cheek, wiping away the tears. “You are not alone.”

“I am part of your collective.” Seven said but somehow it felt like a question.

“Yes, you are.” Kathryn smiled at her. “And there is no ulterior motive behind us… behind me wanting you to be a part of our crew. We… I just want you to be safe and free so you can keep developing your individuality.”

Seven sighed and looked down at her hands, one Borg and one human. “It was easier being part of the _Borg_ Collective.”

“I guess it was. But in a way, _you_ did not exist.” The Captain reminded her. “You exist now and you are beautiful, smart, a valued member of our crew and… my friend. That is all you.”

In the following silence they just looked at each other and Kathryn could see Seven’s mind racing through the storm in her eyes, she was trying to make sense of her words. Then she sighed, as if giving into something and laid her head back down on Kathryn’s shoulder. 

Kathryn’s fingers glided through Seven’s blonde hair and she hoped and prayed that what she had said would be enough. That being her friend would be enough. She would keep trying to be enough and keep a close eye on Seven while she tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This 'one-shot' has grown quite a bit. :) The next chapter will be the last though!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final chapter! Thank you to everyone who read this story and especially to those of you who encouraged me to continue writing it.

Tired. She felt very tired again. Her scientific mind wondered at the impact of crying on her body. Before she had always found this human reaction baffling and completely superfluous. Now she felt so different herself, perhaps there was some value to it after all. 

She really did not have the energy to raise her head. She also did not want to. She felt completely comfortable, resting her head on the Captain’s shoulder. It helped in avoiding eye contact, which was still a little difficult for her, but it also meant that she could hear the Captain’s own breathing and heartbeat very clearly and somehow these sounds were extremely calming. 

Another calming effect were the Captain’s finger running through her hair and soothing her back which helped ease the tension from her spinal implant and muscles there which were still sore. Her breathing started to even out, following the Captain’s example. Perhaps human contact had some value to it too.

Her emotions were still storming inside of her but this time she did not shy away from them. She was human and according to the Captain that meant that she was supposed to be struggling with emotions. They might still be irrelevant for the most part and she really did not know how to deal with them yet but perhaps she should just let them exist for now.

She knew she wasn’t there yet but she desperately wanted to believe what the Captain had told her. That she was not alone. She had always hated being alone. Being separated from the Collective had been horrifying. Learning how to be an individual still seemed impossible and lonely but perhaps she really could be part of this new Starfleet collective. Even if she did not entirely fit in… maybe it would be worth the effort.

She was just so tired now… how could she even find the energy to try again. 

“Everything is going to be okay.” The Captain’s voice suddenly broke the silence as she whispered in her ear. Almost as if she had heard Seven’s thoughts. 

The sound of her voice grounded her, like it always did. This time though, that realization did not cause disgust to rise up inside her. Instead it calmed down her racing mind. 

She really did not have to do it alone. The Captain would help her. Becoming human, becoming part of the crew, becoming friends… 

In return she would help the Captain. She would do anything she could to help Voyager complete its journey. She would use her remaining Borg heritage and the knowledge of the Collective to get them home, to get _her_ home to Indiana. She might not like all the others on this ship but she knew now that the Captain had won her full loyalty. Maybe she had done so a long time ago… 

The Alpha Quadrant was not her home, it might never become her home but maybe Voyager could be. Maybe the Captain could be.

All these thoughts tired her out even more. Should she leave and regenerate? Was her alcove even still functioning? She still had no idea what damage she had caused to the systems. Before shame or guilt could take over, her tired mind shoved those thoughts aside. She did not have the energy to even consider regeneration or leaving the Captain’s quarters. 

Instead she stopped thinking and just concentrated on the sound of the Captain’s heartbeat and the feeling of her hands on her hair and back. Closing her eyes she allowed this newfound peace to take over, to fan the flames of hope in her heart and sooth her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
> Let me know what you think of the ending. I tried to model this last chapter after the first chapter so the story would come full circle. Any feedback is welcome, even (or especially) If you read this story long after it was posted. 
> 
> Thank you.


End file.
